


Camping for Dummies

by Bard_of_Heart



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Camping, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Post SBURB, tents are evil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 07:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bard_of_Heart/pseuds/Bard_of_Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade wants to go camping for her birthday. Dave tries to make the best of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Camping for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my gift for tumblr user iareorange for secretsantastuck!

This had all been Jade’s idea. 

You didn’t want anything to do with being in the wilderness. No internet to pester people, fucking bears and raccoons and honey badgers and shit, and that nasty ass camping food. Not to mention sleeping on the cold hard ground with nothing to separate you from the dirt and leaves besides thin tent fabric and a shitty sleeping bag. You had to beg Jade to let you bring your Ipod, but any other forms of technology beyond your wind up electric lantern are sitting in your apartment.  
Normally, you would have thrown a bigger fit, but it’s kind of Jade’s birthday, and you promised you’d do whatever she wanted on her special day. You couldn’t give her what she’s wanted for years, to have her island and Bec back. You may be a God, but the Game stole some things from all of you, and you can’t get them back. You’re determined to do anything she wants that you can reasonably accomplish for her birthday.

You regretted saying she could have anything just a half a second after it came out of your mouth. It’s not like you could take it back though. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree and she gave you that smile. You’re not going to lie. Jade has you wrapped around her little finger. You will never admit that you like it that way.  
Big old asterisk though. There are some things that you just will not do, not even for Jade’s special day.  
Camping is one of those things. Naturally, that’s what she asked for. 

So, you kind of compromised. You’re camping in the park near your place. This means that it’s near all of your places now, since all of you live in Houston, right in the same neighborhood. It’s been that way since the game ended. It makes all four of you feel better to leave close to one another, and you had outright refused to leave your apartment, forcing Rose and John to come to you. Jade really had no choice, because her island is nonexistent now, so she’s living with you.

The park you’ve selected is pretty big and it’s got a lot of cool tall trees in it. You’ve come here to take so mad crazy photos before. You’ve been here with Jade multiple times as well because she says it sort of reminds her of LOFAF. After she said that, you made a point to bring her here more often.

Camping here may or may not be illegal. You don’t give a shit though. Jade was sort of disappointed she wouldn’t get to run with the wolves or whatever, but this is just about as close as you can get to the wilderness in this area. She may or may not have hit you over the head and told you that you were lame and the worst boyfriend ever, god, because you didn’t actually take her camping somewhere cool. She was just joking around though, and she seems peppy now, so who cares? The coppers can bite your ass.

It’s already pretty dark out, because of course Jade’s birthday is in the winter just like yours, which means it gets dark early. It also means it is cold as shit outside. Jade says you’re being a pansy, and okay, it’s true Houston isn’t the coldest place on the planet, but your nose is cold as a motherfucker and you bet it’s all red and disgusting, and maybe you just don’t like the cold, okay? You’re worried it’s going to rain too. The news didn’t say showers tonight, but you don’t like the looks of those clouds.

Speaking of the birthday girl, she’s heading your way, carrying something in her arms that looks suspiciously like a pile of twigs. Okay, yep, on further inspection you are certain that she’s carrying a pile of twigs. You suspect you know the reason for the armful of twigs, but you hope you’re wrong.  
“Hey birthday girl, what do you need those for?” She grins, dropping the pile a little ways from you next to this tree stump, and runs over to you.  
“For building our fire of course! Duh Dave!” You weren’t wrong. Shit.

“Uh, Jade, don’t mean to burst your bubble here or anything, but you can’t just light a fire in a park.” Not that you’re supposed to set up a tent and sleep in a park either.  
“What? Why not?” Oh my god. Sometimes, this girl is too clueless. You can’t blame her though. Living alone on an island for most of your life will do that to you. Either that or you’ve already screwed up teaching her about laws and shit. Yeah, this is probably your fault.

“That’s just not something you do, okay. Smokey the bear will be mighty pissed if you start a wildfire.”

She giggles. “Don’t worry. I know exactly what I’m doing. Smokey will love me, because I am totally environmentally friendly, and also I love bears! They are super cute. While I start the fire, why don’t you set up the tent?”

There is no arguing with her. You set to work setting up your shelter from the night. You are not looking forward to sleeping out here in this bright orange monster. You didn’t have a tent of your own, because camping, as previously mentioned, isn’t exactly your favorite activity in the world, so you borrowed this tent from John. Apparently, when he was younger, he used to be a boy scout, and had to go camping all the time. You may or may not have laughed at him about that.  
He wished you luck on your trip, and you knew he was silently giving you a “that sucks bro I’ve been there” kind of encouragement. In return, you gave him the “I know man shit is wack” sort of nod. It’s more of a downward head tilt than anything, and then a flick up. It is the sort of man code that makes Jade laugh. Man code has saved your life on numerous occasions. 

Anyway, tent. You can do this shit. You’ve never set up a tent before, but really, how hard can it be? It came with instructions, but sitting there reading the directions by the light of one of those wind up lantern things is so incredibly lame. 

You pour out the tent parts. You’ve got a hammer, spikes, a shit ton of little poles, and the tent itself of course. It doesn’t look too hard. You pick up a hammer and one of the spikes. You’re pretty sure you’re supposed to hammer the spike into the ground, and also into the tent somehow? Okay, well, maybe you should figure out how to get the tent standing up first so you don’t hammer the spike into the side of it or something. 

It’s kind of a big tent though, and you’ve got to lift it up, it won’t stand by itself yet. You study the side of it, and you find a little loop thing on the bottom. Great. Okay. You watch that little loop thing so it doesn’t disappear again into the mess of shitty tent fabric as you grab up the hammer and spike and pin it down.  
One side done. Three more to go. 

You search for another loop to put a spike through, and you find one on the other side of the tent. You hammer it down. Nice. You find the other one on that side too. You’re almost finished, so you figure it wouldn’t hurt to try and prop it up a little. You want to make sure you’re doing this right, and you’re curious to see what kind of lame tent you’re borrowing from John. 

You shove the tent up a little, supporting it where you still haven’t spiked the last side, but when you let go, it flops over on top of you. The only course of action is to let it win and flop dramatically beneath it. You are now buried under miles of shitty tent fabric. Oh hell no. 

“Help me Jade, sweetie pie, gum drop, sugar plum...Damn, okay, that was weird even for me. Obviously I’m hungry or something. The point is the tent is bullying me.” 

“You’re getting into the Christmas spirit!” Jade says, and smiles. “You can’t be hungry we ate before we got here, remember?”

You had forgotten. You resign yourself to no midnight snackatude and a very big breakfast.

“Jade, the tent is still bullying me, and it’s calling me a lot of hurtful names.”

“That mean tent! We’ll have to beat it into submission then. Hold on, I’ve almost got the fire going.”

You wriggle until your head is sticking out from under the tent and watch Jade gently stoking the fire until it’s a nice, sizable flame. This is probably a really, really terrible idea, but god dammit, it’s your girl’s birthday, and she told you this story about learning how to build a fire on her own and how cute it was when Bec would bring her firewood before you left your apartment. You just pray she knows what’s she’s doing.

She skips over to you and you reach out a hand to her. “Help me Jade Harley, you’re my only hope.”

Jade snorts. “You’re such a super nerd!” She chooses not to take your hand, and instead, leaves you in agony underneath that tent. She inspects your work so far, walking all the way around the tent. “It took you all that time to put in three stakes Dave? Really?”

“Shut up. This tent hates me.” You grumble, and she helps you struggle out of the clutches of the tent and into her arms. “Since you’re finished with the fire, maybe you can help me out a little bit. You can’t leave a blushing maiden like myself alone with this kind of monster for too long, you know.”

“Fine, Mr. Lazyass! I’m pretty sure it’s going to rain, so we have to hurry and get this tent up so we can sit by the warm fire while it lasts!”  
It’s much more enjoyable setting up the tent when the two of you are working together, and you manage to finish before the rain starts coming down.  
You sit by Jade’s warm fire for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. Jade’s head is on your shoulder, and you’ve got an arm around her waist. Your asses are safe from the dirty ground, because you’re perched side by side on a tree stump. Jade sighs happily. 

“This is nice.” You can feel her smile against your shoulder.

“Yeah, sure is.” 

“Thanks Dave. This was a really awesome birthday present. Like super-duper awesome.”

“Like super-duper bazillion times more awesome than every lame birthday present combined?”

“Yep!”

You laugh, and give her a squeeze. “Don’t mention it.”

“Maybe we should make this a thing! We could go camping for your birthday too, and Rose’s the day before. It could be like an annual week in the wilderness of Houston kind of thing!”

“Uh…Are you sure Rose will be down with that? She doesn’t strike me as the Bear Grylls type. She’s not a seasoned camper like the two of us.”

“Hmm. That’s true. She might not survive the night out here.” Jade says thoughtfully, and strokes her chin for effect, which is sort of awkward when she’s still got her cheek resting on your shoulder. “Maybe it should just be an ‘us thing’.”

You start a little. “Shit, I didn’t realize we were far enough along in this relationship to have ‘us things’.”

“Dave, it’s been what? A year and a half?” She lifts her head from your shoulder. Uh oh. You think you might have upset her. 

“Shit, really? God damn, that’s right we got together a month or so before Egbert’s birthday. Whoa, alright, I guess it’s an ‘us thing’ then.”

“Come on Mr. Time Guy! That was kind of an epic fail!”

You turn to face her and meet her eyes. This is her birthday, and you’ll be damned if you seem like a bad boyfriend today. “Hey, hey now, who was the one that got you that epic wolf pendant for our year anniversary?”

“The one was you. The one who spent all his hard earned money on a present for me was totally you.”

“I didn’t spend all of it,” You protest, and grin. “…I had five bucks left over.”

She laughs and pecks your cheek, and you know you’re forgiven. 

“I guess it must be a guy thing to forget about how long you’ve been together with someone. Time guys don’t seem to be exempt.”

“Yeah, well, that shit’s totally in the unbreakable man code. You know how it is.” You could have gone on longer with that joke, but just then the rain starts coming down hard, and Jade shrieks, leaping up. You think she’s going to sprint for the tent, but instead, she twirls around in a circle, hands outstretched and face turned up towards the rain.  
“Dave, it’s raining!” She cries, and spins in a circle around the rapidly shrinking fire.

“Yeah, I know, Jade, I’ve got functioning eyes. What are we doing, some kind of tribal rain dance?” You get up and mimic her movements. “Is this a prayer to the rain gods? Oh mighty assholes, please stop crying on our god damn fire.”

“No!” Jade slaps you upside the head, and damn, that girl has an arm. You think she doesn’t realize just how hard she’s hitting you. She’s thinking it’s a playful slap, but her playful slaps are apt to leave bruises. “Haven’t you ever enjoyed the rain? Especially this rain. It’s so nice and cool! On my island, it was always so hot, all the time, even when it was raining.”

“I like to enjoy the rain from inside a nice warm house, thanks. Or at least some form of semi functioning shelter.”

“Oh fine!” Jade says, and walks over to unzip the tent. “Party pooper!” She sticks her tongue out at you and disappears inside the tent.

You follow and zip it closed behind you. It isn’t much warmer in here, if you’re really honest, but at least you’re not being rained on anymore. Jade shakes the water out of her hair, a really hilarious habit she picked up from Bec, and groans. 

“Oh man, I can’t see anything! My glasses got all foggy and rained on.” 

“Your rain dance was ineffective. In retaliation, the gross snotty tears of the gods have rained down upon your glasses.”

“Gross Dave! Now I can’t even wipe them on my shirt, because I’ll be getting snotty tears on it!”

“Such are the trials of life. The big decisions that plague us all. To snottify your shirt, or to not snottify.”

“Snottify isn’t a word, idiot!” She wipes her glasses on her shirt, and sticks out her tongue again. “Ha!”

“Ha.” You echo. “You are now the life of the party.”

“It’s my birthday! There wouldn’t be a party if I wasn’t there.” She crosses her arms and glares. 

“Okay, you’re always the life of the party today. It’s you.”

“Hooray!” She says, and flops down on one of the sleeping bags. 

“I suppose I will accept the meager second place spot.” You say, and wipe an imaginary tear from your cheek. 

“Aww Dave. You are always number one in my heart!”

“Harley, you have reaffirmed my meaning in life.” You take a seat beside her on your sleeping bag. 

You banter for a while like that, back and forth, just you and Harley doing your thing, telling each other sincere things hidden within jokes, and carefully coupled with jokes that  
are just meant to be funny. At least, that’s what you do, and Harley sees through all of it as she always does. 

The girl can read you like the back of her hand. You’ve long since given up on trying to hide anything from her. She sees through you so effortlessly, always has, and especially now that you’re dating. She doesn’t mind that you still put up your walls anyway. She understands you, like maybe no one has.

You hold hands like middle school kids when you snuggle into your sleeping bags, an electric light between the two of you. Jade’s got her head buried in some sci-fi novel, and you’re listening to music on your Ipod. 

You almost don’t hear her quick “I love you Dave, goodnight,” before she flicks off your light source. 

You don’t stop holding her hand, not even when her breath comes soft and even, and you can tell she’s asleep. Not even when your eyelids start to droop. You dream of nothing, which sounds boring, but to you, it’s a blessing.

When you wake up, your back hurts. You still have your Ipod in, and you forgot to turn it off last night, but it isn’t playing any music, so you know it’s died. Your hand is asleep in Jade’s, and she’s staring right at you.

“Hey sleepy head.”

“Hi Princess Charming.”

“Ready to head back?” She asks, watching as you slip on your shades. 

“Yeah, lead the way.”

It’s not raining, thank god, so it takes you only a short while to pack up the tent, destroy the evidence of your fire and get going. While you’re at it, you find a nice little surprise on the outside of your tent. You end up having to pay a fine for camping on park property. Fuck.

It was so, so worth it. Maybe for your birthday, you’ll actually legit go camping and hang with the wolves. Nah. You think the shitty park adventure is a keeper. You’ll probably get another fine, and your back will hate you, but it’ll be cool, because your hand will fall asleep in Jade’s, and you’ll get to hear her tell you she loves you just before you hit the hay, and you’ll get to see her smile first thing in the morning.


End file.
